Seeing the self
Here are some questions. Are you comfortable? What parts of you are calling your attention? Where are the different parts of your self in space? You probably have a good feeling for where your hands are, and your legs. What about the top of your head, where is that in space? Does your self-image also include each one of your ribs? What about the place in between your shoulder blades? How much volume of space do you occupy right now, in your perception? Is that space within your physical shape, or does it extend beyond? Can you feel your feet on the ground? Can you tell where your tongue is rooted? When you walk, what part of you leads the movement? Are you more in your head today or in your belly, bowel, or heart? What emotions are present?
All these questions are elements of how you see your self. Do you have a clear picture? Is it complete? Is every part in sharp focus, or are some parts less defined, even blank?
Discovering our self is fascinating and fun. There is no value judgement involved, just observation. The key is to be curious. This process of self-discovery is a process we go through in childhood. It is how we mature as human beings. For most of us, we stop doing it in adulthood, and lose the habit. But the process of becoming a more mature human being doesn't need to stop. There is always scope to know our self better.
Elizabeth Beringer, a pupil of Dr Moshe Feldenkrais, calls this process selfing - we are constantly selfing, building our self-image. Self-image is not static, but fluid and evolving. My self is not fixed - I can be different today than I was yesterday. The only inputs we have for this process are the inputs from our senses - sight, touch, hearing, taste, smell - combined with our proprioception (the sense of awareness of balance, position in space and self-organization) and interoception (the sense of what is going on in our body).
Making matters complicated, our self-image is often wound up in our self-esteem. While self-image should be neutral - nothing more and nothing less than how we perceive ourselves in any moment - self-esteem is judgmental and has something to do with how we see our place in relation to others. Our self-esteem can cause habits of movement or behaviour which in turn limit our self-image.
Why is this important? We act, move, behave, interact with others, in accordance with our self-image. If our self-image is partial, we have fewer possibilities, and we will be compelled to act in particular ways.
Here are some examples:
Suppose that, in my self-image, my upper back is missing - or at least rather vague. Then, when I want to turn my face to the left or right, I will do that by moving my neck only. I will not realize that I can make this movement in a way that includes engaging my shoulder girdle, ribs, backbone. If I learn to include those parts into my self-image, I will find new ways of making that movement. I may still choose to engage only my neck but now it's a conscious choice, not a compulsive one.
Suppose that I throw a tennis ball. In my self-image, the throwing action is an action of my arm only - bringing the arm back from the shoulder, and then powering it forward and letting go of the ball - and so this is precisely the movement I make. It is a perfectly acceptable action until I want to throw the ball further. Then I need to learn to organize my self to recruit other parts - feet, ankles, legs, hips, pelvis, back, neck and head - into a more powerful, elegant, and effortless movement of throwing. In learning, I expand my self-image to include this way of organizing my self.
Suppose that my self-image is as someone who guards against risk. Then my tendency will be to hunch slightly - as if to bring my shoulders up and forward and bow my head. While there may be times when this is useful, in most of daily life it is unnecessary. I may already know how to relax my upper chest, bring my shoulders down and my head up. But for it to become my habit to do so, I need to see myself as a different person, one who is not so concerned with guarding themself. To create a choice in how I hold my head, I need to know my self well enough to be able to inhabit different versions of my self at will.
In each of these examples, self-image is expanded not through exercise or thought, but through experiencing something new through our senses.
Paying attention to the self as we do in body-mind learning is a great way to increase self-knowledge and to educate our self-image. What are your experiences with building self-image? Please leave a comment.